(flittering ink, lit within by the scents of old leaves. take what you can before they spill out.)
happy 11.11 yesterday if you celebrate. i had wishes to make but i missed the time
this maybe belongs on my music blog but i'm listening to cameron picton's set at the horse hospital. i'm glad he's back in a band and making music... and i like how this sounds live but the spotify release is really not my thing. i hope the other songs sound different lol maybe that's silly
i'd really like to turn my music page into a more fleshed out subsite, because i do like talking about the things i listen to and i'd like to do it in a more organized fashion than a single feed... i just want to figure out a layout... and how i'm dividing the content... and all that's pretty far off now while i'm buried under work
but instead of working i've just been thinking about aerie again. i want to put some related stuff on my site, even if it's just oc profiles. i've done this before and having them up has always stressed me out because i felt beholden to having them be 100% accurate but i think i just need to accept that they will always be living documents. things change. it okay
ugh the tundra encroaches. i must return to my studies
love the weather when it gets like this on the cusp of winter â stepping out of a warm interior and it's cold enough that your breath fogs but the sun is shining and everything feels crisp and close. rubbing your hands together.
presented two midterm projects right after each other yesterday. that was stressful but i think they both went well
thinking about changing my site url again... which is really frustrating because it means i break a million links again. but the url i'm thinking of is really cute...
i picked juneish cause i thought it would be a good general-purpose name no matter how i themed the site. so i wouldn't have to change it. erm... maybe i shift the webcatz shell site to juneish? erm...
been playing so much silksong... so in love with that game. non-explicit spoilers ahead
i just completed the like, minor objective you get halfway up and oh my god... the second half of that boss fight is so crazy wowowow. like locked in flow state experience. third eye opening stuff. so excited for whatever the later bosses do to me. i really enjoy how the silksong bosses are so mechanically built on their environments, moreso than hollow knight's bosses? really makes them feel like actual inhabitants of the world
pharloom's vibes are so expertly composed... really like the constant clinking of bells. one day i want to create something as intricately detailed as this. thinking about bad dream again...
made the trip to see car seat headrest live! the show was near my birthday so we basically had to go as birthday celebrations. got there late but we managed to wriggle up near the front beside some friends of one of ours... seeing will toledo walk on stage like im a roman experiencing christ apparitions
the show was gorgeous and i screamed my voice hoarse. ugh the scholars... i was really looking forward to hearing ccf and catastrophe and reality live and man did they deliver! we were disappointed they didn't play much older material... but the scholars makes me insane so i can hardly complain LOL
was very generously gifted the vinyl as a birthday present! another for my collection... muahahaha...! one day i will regress from society to become
- you'll be robbed and poisoned and infected and robbed
it's raining out right now... wonderful pitter-pattering ambience. i think once it clears up i'll go biking again and soak up the after-rain smell. i've been biking a lot recently â mother has made a habit of it and after being subliminally influenced by my friend posting live bike updates i've started doing it too. it's fun! i took a evening ride a few days ago and everything felt so electric and magical... i took photos of cool lighting but i think i will refrain from posting pictures of my neighborhood bahaha
mother and i have started watching brideshead revisited (1981) again. we watched the first episode a while ago but never continued it... we're up till episode 4 now and plan to finish it this summer! i'm enjoying it a lot. cordelia is my favorite so far im obsessed with the way she articulates. everyone's little body movements are very good.
how it feels
is the dome by vanburgh? it looks later.
oh, charles, don't be such a tourist. what does it matter when it was built, if it's pretty?
it's the sort of thing that interests me.
the dome struck me. affixed to this stern old palace, overlooking it all, sebastian's little place of escape; hopping out through the windows onto the roofs where you're too distant for anyone to reach you... detachment from the whole yet reluctant obligation to it. all the shots (even elsewhere) of sebastian looking down on people over balconies. it's good it makes me want to work on cat comic more... it reminds me of all the mixed & modified architecture in aerie
i'm slowly working my way through disco elysium... this is my 2nd playthrough; i was really interested in the world lore the first time i played but felt i didn't get to dive too deep into it â so this time i'm doing a psychic/apocalypse cop build and chasing the pale around. i managed to finish the soona questline this time! i also forgot how funny the game is. every time.
i have plans for an eventual replaythrough doing a heavy encylopedia build in order to consume more of this game's delicious worldbuilding. i might also do a physical build sometime in the far future because im curious to see how that version of the game plays. disco elysium is so big... it is like an expanse of warm nutrient rich soil, and i, am but a single worm.... ouh.... aigh.......
i'm doing artfight.... i'm doing artfight.... to break the ice i made this thing for my friend mart. i'm always so scared of drawing digitally because i'm much more used to pen and paper but i guess i can do it... i guess... (i could also just draw traditionally and upload pictures but that feels wrong to me for mysterious reasons) and people are already drawing my awesome cat... it warms my heart so deeply
ok that's all. bjaygame is still going well. i'll update about it later
- summer 2025
2025 is already half over... i can't believe it. what!!
after some deliberation i will be participating in artfight! just not very actively... if i can crank out an attack or two i'll be satisfied. here's my account if you'd like to follow me. go team fossil!!! ðĶīðĶ
summer is nice so far... i'm taking my time and "resting" by which i mean working feverishly on all my little projects. yay! i'm moving along in my usual slapdash style â working on about forty things at once and alternating between them every half an hour
i was originally thinking of using the summer to produce a demo for bad dream. i drafted a version of the intro sequence (the part that the demo would cover) and laid some code foundations but i still can't really settle on the full story so it's probably not actually the best time for me to produce this... instead i've been creating a smaller game that i plan to finish in august.
i've been calling it "bjay game" for now because it sounds like blow job game and that's funny. it's an "arcade side-scrolling bullet-hell mail delivery game" set in aerie starring the one and only jay steller wright. i started this as an exercise to flesh out aerie a bit more but it's fun and not too complex a project to work on so i plan to see it through to the end. current progress: i started implementing some phase patterns but i think they stink so i want to redesign them. i'm replaying the new deltarune chapters for inspiration.
in between all of this i'm still working on my site... i'd like to have the essential pages (like the index, about page, etc) up by the end of the summer but i don't have any plans in place. i'm sure you've noticed i'm tweaking this page a little. i briefly had folders in the navigation but i've moved back to the single feed. & i'm testing a new softer gradient-y-er look that i want to mimic on the left page as well but i haven't gotten to that yet.
p.s.
you could go through nearly every blog post here and find some variation on the phrase "i want to blog more" and it's true! i have a deep self-professed interest in blogging i love reading other people's blogs a lot i like the little glimpses into other people's lives. i'd like to construct a similar window for myself, but i think i just hate actually writing posts... it's a similar thing with all writing i do in that i feel like it's monumental and so i rarely dedicate time to it. but it never actually takes that long. yeah? any way i want to blog more.
it connects to a lingering issue i've had with earlier versions of this site, that i always limit how much i actually express myself here. in theory this is my house but instead of making it comfortable for myself i keep prioritizing preparing it for guests... not that it's your guys' fault or anything.
lately i've been thinking a lot about how much i'm actually enjoying creating. i feel like i hit a wall recently; creating just feels stressful â i'm the kind of person who always stresses herself out by setting high standards for her creative output, even when it's just for fun and standards kind of defeat the purpose. but i create because i do enjoy creating! so i'm exploring. trying to chase that original enjoyment again. i don't think my work even gets any worse i'm just like, less stressed out.
pps. every winter i forget just how beautiful fruit is as a concept. rips open my shirt that says i ⥠apricots
- hello hello hello hello
goood morning baltimore hello hi hello
i feel despicably about everything in this world but the year is fresh and the birds are chirping and the sun is shining and the grass is geening so maybe everything's a-OK. spring... save me.. spring save me spring
i finally set up my vinyl player!!! just before i left for break my friend came over to listen to the vinyl they bought me (ily!!!!) while i packed. we played the jazzier tracks off it (the new sound, bongo season) as well as magician, which has this really cool outro on the vinyl. i'm excited to listen to more on my own time. i wanted to play my plastic death vinyl but it'd forseeably warped when i brought it over in september. i've arrayed a number of objects on top of it so it'll hopefully be playable by the time i'm back
i'm on break from uni for this week and the next. next week i'm going on a friend trip which i am very excited for. it will be cute & awesome
uni has been killing me though. this semester i'm taking a gamedev course that has been... interesting... its very hands-off and in that way difficult but i sure am learning a lot.
creatively i am fucking around. having fun. but very little actual work is being done (fine, normal). i've been jotting down ideas for a new site design and i am liking them â i just need to find the time to sit down and draw my assets. and draw in general. man i want to draw!!!
in other news over winter break i read house of leaves. it is EVIL. i'd been aware of it forever because my friend is obsessed with it but now that i've finished it i can say they were rightly so. i don't think i will ever read something quite so fascinating & deliberately constructed again. i cannot go into everything i think about it here or i'll end up writing an essay but man. man. ouch. pleaseeee read it if you have the chance. in the time since i finished it it's been spreading like a cancer amongst my friends. this is bad or good
ok... that's all for now. take care of yourself out there. if you are transgender i love you. for my next trick i will look at employment good by
hello hi hello